Dolphins! Bitches! Dolphins!

CNN did a segment on missing dolphins this morning. Here is the transcript of Carol Costello interviewing Moby Solangi, the owner of the aquarium the dolphins were washed out of:

SOLANGI: Good morning, Carol.

COSTELLO: Oh, when you see these dolphins, I mean it just does, it touches your heart. I mean these eight dolphins suddenly appear in the Gulf of Mexico, all huddled together. How surprised were you?

SOLANGI: Well, it's just been a miracle. I mean they just came right back to our front door. They were gone for about 10 days and, you know, they had been out there with no food and no protection. These are domesticated animals. Some of them were captive born. And they have no hunting skills and they were, I think, delighted to see the trainers. We spotted them with a helicopter on Saturday and we've been feeding them right outside the harbor. And hopefully today or tomorrow we'll be able to recover some of them. C

OSTELLO: Before we get into the rescue effort, how do you think they managed to survive after they were washed from their aquarium?

SOLANGI: Let me tell you, if they could speak, we would really find out the truth. But it has probably been a very incredible journey for them. There was a lot of debris, a lot of problems in the environment. And our initial efforts really didn't show that they were there. And so where they went and how they managed to come back in such a vast environment, it's just an enigma. I mean I have no words to explain how they could come right back to the aquarium after they lost.

COSTELLO: They're hungry. I can see your trainers out there trying -- getting the dolphins on a raft, it looks like. And that's where they feed them fish and things. But why can't you tempt the dolphins to come closer to shore so you can get them out of the water?

SOLANGI: Well, we are trying to do that. They're really nervous. What we did was we put some mats and platforms in the sea so that they have some sort of homing area where they know they're going to be fed in this area. We're going to move the mats slowly. Some of them can beach on the mat and we may be able to recover them that way. We will move the mat toward shallow water and then hopefully be able to rescue them that way.

COSTELLO: How long can they survive out there?

SOLANGI: I think, you know, we are very concerned. You know, there are concerns about the environment and some of the pollutants. You know, we would like to do it as soon as possible, but we would, you know, I think they would probably do OK for another week or two.

COSTELLO: You know, some of the most touching pictures that I saw is some of the dolphins were jumping and doing their tricks out there for your trainers.

SOLANGI: Yes, that was amazing. I mean, I know the first time the trainers got in touch with them, I mean they were just all over them. I mean they were feeding, they were hungry, they were really -- I mean they were just jumping and flipping. And I mean it was just an incredible sight. And I think that teaches us that these animals that are dependent on us, you know, really need us. And I think the trainers have spent an enormous amount of time making sure that these animals have company.

COSTELLO: Well, we're going to check back with you to see how the rescue effort is going. We appreciate you joining us this morning.

SOLANGI: Thank you very much.

COSTELLO: Good luck, Moby.

SOLANGI: Thank you, ma'am. Bye-bye.

COSTELLO: Bye.

Yes, Carol, where o where would a dolphin find something to eat in the ocean? While it is true that these dolphins have probably been hand fed most, if not all of their lives, a dolphin is still a predatory mammal and if it gets hungry it will "catch" its own fish. These particular dolphins were from Gulfport, Mississippi, so maybe they are so keen on Jesus that they won't eat fishes without loaves. Perhaps, after seeing the news coverage of Katrina, they were afraid that they would be labeled looters and would face shoot to kill orders if they "poached" fishes out of the Gulf. I don't buy it. You know what they say, "You can take a dolphin out the sea, but you can't take the sea out the dolphin, bitches!"

I'm now waiting for a right winger to use this as an example of the "modern welfare state." You know the whole "give a dolphin a fish vs. teach a dolphin to fish" kinda thing.

I realize that these dolphins were underweight when found and did have a tougher time catching fish than "street" dolphins, but the humor just writes itself here. Besides, the aquarian owners first name is Moby. I don't know if he is a dick or not.