Throwing My Hat In The Ring

I hereby do, on this day, November 28th of the year 2006, announce my candidacy for Time magazine's Man / Person of the Year. What have I done to deserve the award? Arguably, not much. Actually, it isn't even arguable, I haven't done much. But, if Time is indeed considering Condi Rice for the award as CNN was reporting this morning, then I as well deserve consideration.

Perhaps we should take a look back on the Princess of Foggy Bottom's year and try to figure out why she should deserve consideration.

Well, there was her input into the war between Hizbollah and Israel. No wait, she was simply and roundly dismissed by all parties involved in the conflict. Condi was utterly hapless in all her attempts to get both sides to listen to her, and by proxy, the United States of America.

While we are in the region, how's the Road Map For Peace progressing in the Palestinian conflict? Haven't heard much about that this year, have you?

Skipping to the south side of the Mediterranean, did Condi manage to get anything accomplished in Darfur? Nope, I had to endure the umpteenth Nicholas Kristof article in Sunday's New York Times where a young woman was gang raped while searching for firewood. Completely off-topic, but can we seriously get these people some fucking Kingsford? It's maddening.

Oh wait, I almost forgot our stunning success with North Korea. All they did this year was defy convention after convention in setting off missiles on the Fourth of July and attempting to detonate a nuclear device. Luckily, our own failures were only exceeded by Kim Jong-Il's.

As for Iraq, well, she doesn't even get to play in that room.

It's quite possible that statesmanship in the world hasn't been at this low a point since WWII, so why in the world does Rice deserve consideration for Person of the Year? She is an absolute failure among failures in the White House. Even George Bush managed to get to first base with Angela Merkel, although if Rice would have been in that saddle I expect she would have went a little lower.

Thus, I conclude that I am at least as deserving of the award and demand my own consideration.