Wednesday, April 13, 2005

West Virginia Lawmakers Choose English

In a move that could prove devastating to the rural denizens of West Virginia, The State Legislature passed a law that makes English West Virginia's official language. Senate Majority Whip Billy Wayne Bailey (real name) added this as an amendment to a Parks and Rec bill. This is bad because WV is a state of many wonderful rural languages that in no way resemble English. Some of these include Rubian, Yokelish, Hayseedian, Hickman, and Bumpkinesh.

After a five hour explanation, Cletis Johnson, a mouth breather from Bald Knob, said in Yokelish "Wot de doin up dere n Charson. I ain gut no oos po no Eglis." He went on to utter other things, most of which are unprintable as my keyboard does not have the correct keys to type them.

It is unclear at this time if the state will provide funding for ESL classes in backwoods areas.

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