"We are, for the first time, on offense,” says Christian televangelist Jerry Falwell, “and we're kicking their butt out of the arena."
Who are they? Who is this straw man who Falwell is giving a Christianly butt kicking? There are two sides to this war. On one hand, you have the Christian right whose collective vagina bruises easier than a week old peach. On the other hand, you people who just don't care. There isn't anyone actually out there attacking Christmas.
So, what's the reason for this "war"? It's money. You see, Falwell has to show his flock his bruised vagina to pry a little extra coin out of little old ladies who watch his network. Christmas is his competition, and he's got to keep up that opulent lifestyle.