Alert, Alert. Run for your lives. It's going to snow here in Columbus. Let me explain the three levels of snow emergency. First of all.....Your not still reading this are you? Didn't you hear what I said? Shitloads of snow are coming!!! Snow! Bitches! Snow! It's your life, I warned you.
Level 1: All travel is restricted to driving about five miles per hour. In fact, don't drive. Hell, don't even look out your window. There's white shit out there.
Level 2: No travel, no leaving the house. All meals must be eaten cold out of a can. Watching 24hr Snow Team coverage is mandatory. Use the amphetamines in your snow kit to stay awake. Martial law is declared, habeas corpus suspended.
Are you still fucking reading this? Are you insane? Run!!!! Run away now!!!!
Level 3: All human life ceases to exist. That is all.
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